My Immortal
by Hearts Desire
Summary: JeffShannon slash Jeff thinks back from the beginning of his relationship with Shannon to their nasty end


A/N- I will not be updating Undisputed until after Thanksgiving, just because it's a little hard to do so around the holidays. Thanksgiving was one of my brother's favourite holidays and it's a little hard to write Undisputed with all it's close-to-death, drug, and rape connections when everyone around me is thinking of my brother. So this is what I'm doing. I've written this, and I'm working on the next chapter of Tense, but I don't know if I'm putting it up till Friday.  
  
So, please don't be mad with me, I'm just doing what I think is right for me and my other story, so I'm working on others till at least Friday morning.  
  
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My Immortal  
  
by Hearts Desire  
  
-----------------  
  
~  
  
.  
  
I'm so tired of being here  
  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
  
And if you have to leave  
  
.  
  
~  
  
.  
  
Four years. That's how long we were together. Through all those hard times, we were still together. Everyone said that two best friends turned lovers would never last. In a way they were right, but in a way they were wrong. We were together. For a while, four years, like I said. But that doesn't mean that we wereT OGETHER for four whole years.  
  
Because technically we weren't.   
  
Unless you add all those other guys you were with as us still being together. You must be a really good liar, cause I never thought twice about us. You never cancelled dates, or came home late without calling and saying where you where. You never denied us being together, or didn't profess your love out in public.   
  
Who'd have every thought that the sweet, innocent, hyper-active blonde that I knew was a ravage sex-beast and player to just about everyone else in the entire buisiness! You fooled me. Hell, you fooled everyone close to you!  
  
.  
  
~  
  
I wish that you would just leave  
  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
  
And it won't leave me alone  
  
~  
  
.  
  
Me, Matt, Jay, Adam, Shane ... everyone close to you you fooled. You had us believing that those guys were only chasing after you and you would never do anything. Ever. You were with me. You announced it, flaunted it, expressed it to everyone. I don't know why no one did any thing. Any of the guys that you slept with, that is. Which was about everyone else.   
  
Everyone acted like things where just perfect and peachy between the two of us. Some of them even complemented us on our long relationship on our anniversaies with out a hint of sarcasm or malice in their voice. You obviously said something to them.  
  
I remember everything about the night we broke up. From my happiness that I got to come home early to the complete agony that broke my heart. You had gotten home two days prior since our brands were different and it seemed like you had turned our house in to a giant sex-oriented party. At first, when I called, it seemed like maybe you were out and I decided that it might be a nice suprise if I was there when you got home.  
  
I called hourly for four hours, thinking maybe that you had gone to see a movie with Adam or a hockey game or maybe you were helping my daddy with a car in the garage. You always loved helping daddy with cars. But BOY was I wrong ..  
  
.  
  
~  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
~  
  
.  
  
I thought I had pulled up to the wrong street when I finally got to ours. There were cars parked on teh sides of the road and at least five in our driveway. You could hear the music three blocks away and it seemed like every single light in the house was on. I parked around the block and cautiously made my way up to our door.   
  
I had to push my way through a dozen people before I even got to the living room. It was crazy. There were people kising and making out all over. A couple people where doing drugs in teh corner and others were serving beer in the kitchen. By the gallons. I was reminded of those college parties you see in 'Animal House'  
  
I hardly knew half the people, but almost the entire Smackdown! Roster was there along with a bunch of our friends who were in independants. If Vince had given everyone comp tickets to our house, I sure missed the memo because everyone seemed to be there. I couldn't find you through the sea of people and BOY did everyone look suprised when I yanked the microphone away from a drunk-off-his-ass Joey matthews at the kareoke machine.  
  
Then ... the house nearly cleared in a minute. Everyone looked shocked that I was there and left. I knew something was wrong; especially when the plastered and hammered people realized that I was NOT supossed to be there and left, too. I set to turning off all of the music and getting rid of the alcohol and drugs. If the cops were to have showed up then, I would be in jail for life.  
  
You must not have noticed that everything was off now, because you didn't come out of the bedroom. Maybe you were hiding from me. Or maybe you were just "pre-occupied". I sure found out the hard way. I walked in on you and Sean O-'Haire. Not good. I snapped. You snapped and by the end of our argument, you had spilled almost the entire truth, had garnered a busted lip, and was being restrained by Sean.  
  
~  
  
.  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
All of me  
  
~  
  
.  
  
After everything we'd been through, Shannon! After everything! I couldn't believe that you'd do that to me. And it wasn't even just that one time; the time I caught you. You'd been doing it almost our entire relationship! Guy after guy after guy. When I found out that it wasn't just a one time thing between you and O-'Haire, I ... I honestly didn't want to think about it.   
  
The pain was so overbearing that it was impossible to comprehend that just about half of the roster had been with you at least twice. TWICE! I hadn't cheated on you once! I wouldn't think of it. I still can't get you out of my mind. I've known you for a long time, Shannon. A really long time and we've been through a lot together. A HELL of a lot.  
  
I can still remember the first time I met you. At football practice. Coach only had you there cause he thought you had balls; 11 years old and no more than 65 pounds, soaking wet, maybe. Teeny. You were still as eager as anything, getting in to the game from the sidelines and cheering everyone on, handing towels to the guys, filling water bottles. Anything to relatively in to the game.  
  
Instant attraction, I think would be the words for it.  
  
I remember when you were ... 14 maybe. Must have been around Christmas time. You're daddy had been in the hospital for a year or so know and it was still hard as hell on you. Your oldest brother had left for college, your other was working, and your mom and sister were at the hospital or visiting families all of the time.  
  
You acted like everything was alright, but you could tell it wasn't. I still remember when you came over on Christmas Eve and asked daddy to help you at least make turkey sandwiches for dinner tomorrow. Even though your mom and sister said they MIGHT be home for dinner, you wanted at least a relatively normal Christmas. ... And you had burned the last two chickens you tried to cook.  
  
Then, when you were around 16, you had your first taste of sexual agony. You had your first boyfriend. A big muscular dude named Mark who was at least four years older than you were. He used you .. real badly. I don't know if you realized it until a few years later. He got you to trust him before getting you more-than-hammered at a party and got you in to bed with him. When you saw him the next day, he screamed at you and told you he never wanted to see you again.  
  
You came straight to me and you cried on my shoulder and I told you that everything was alright. And you believed me ... You believed me for a long time. I don't know what happened, then, you must have stopped believing what I said.  
  
.  
  
~  
  
You used to captivate me  
  
By your resonating light  
  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
  
Your face it haunts  
  
My once pleasant dreams  
  
Your voice it chased away  
  
All the sanity in me  
  
~  
  
.  
  
When we got together. Yeah, a highlight in my life. I don't know about you. We had a bon-fire at my daddy's house right when you got signed for WCW. We all had hot dogs and hamburgers and we danced and hung out. Me and you, we even dragged out our guitars and played some songs with daddy and his band, then performed some of our own. After thingsquieted down a little, me and you went to the top of our shed and sat up there for a while.  
  
We talked about everything. About you going to WCW and how things where going in the WWE. I told you about my title shot that I would get and we talked about how some day you'd get to the WWE, too. We'd wrestle each other and travel together and live the dream we've always wanted to. Matt and Shane would watch out for us and we'd get to do everything we ever wanted and never have to worry about anything.  
  
Next thing I knew, we were kissing. We were MORE than kissing, I'll tell ya that right now.   
  
You were my whole life after that. And I thought I was yours, too, but I guess I just wasn't enough for you. You needed more than what I could give you, obviously. No, you needed men like Sean O-'Haire, Terry Gerin, hell, even big ole' Mark Calloway. You always did have a thing for him; ever since we were littler.  
  
.  
  
~  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
~  
  
.  
  
I miss you, Shannon. I miss hanging out with you. Watching you. Kissing you. Touching you. Feeling you. Coming home to you after travelling for a week or more. I miss sitting at home of Saturday nights and watching a horror movie where you would "get scared" and have to have me there to protect ya. I always liked how ya lied to me just to get close. Not that you had or did lie.  
  
You took any chance to get near me which puzzles me. You kissed me in public, you hugged me in public. You even grabbed my ass in the middle of a mall once despite whatever warnings Vince has ever given you. I'm sure he's given you a lot.  
  
I miss that now. I miss having you. And it kills me know, just like it has since we broke up. I haven't seen another guy. I haven't touched another guy. I've never even thought of another guy. Becuase all I want is you and I can't have it.   
  
We may be broken up, but you've still got my heart and there's nothing you or I can do about it.  
  
.  
  
~  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
All of me  
  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
  
But though you're still with me  
  
I've been alone all along  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
All of me 


End file.
